dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
