Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
