is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
