elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
