I want to stick my p in your. b.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
