where's my purse there's an important taco in it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
