what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
