I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
P.S. I can't hear my feet
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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