I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
