This is not my ceiling
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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