oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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