my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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