In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
