I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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