I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
