Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the condom got lost in my hair
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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