I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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