Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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