How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
