everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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