you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
