You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you never un-have a 4some
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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