I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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