My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
