I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
