Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
