Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
