Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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