it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Four minutes until I can fart!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
