You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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