I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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