no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
