Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
