I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
