I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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