I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
