never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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