ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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