saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
