I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
