just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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