I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
