btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
