Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize