Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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