i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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