Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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