If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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