The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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