I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
