fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize