ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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