We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
