I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
