I could make wine with my vomit
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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