Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
tell me about the eggs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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