He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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