Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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