I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
