im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
