I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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