U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
