Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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