do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
