we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
