She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
