Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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