Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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