can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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