Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
