If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
