she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize