Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
