Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
