Cold hands, warm shart.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize