I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
