I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
