Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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