My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
