Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize