Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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