i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
