There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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