At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
