Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
