So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
