sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
